le mot juste

an attempt at expressing the complexities of life in a few choice words.
Ask me anything

the odd bump-in in the worldly places we will mark as our own

no, how about…

we will meet in the worldly places we will mark as our own.

and it will feel good to catch up, and enter a temporary bubble in which we reminisce about a shared past that we have almost forgotten about in the company of others who only know us in our present lives, and we will ask each other where everyone else is now and if we know how they are doing, and be completely comfortable if not a hundred percent at ease.

it will feel so good.

you can never sum up the best feelings in words—that’s how you know they’re the best

i just hope i remember in years to come

recently i was worrying about not being able to remember the exact feeling of pain, or maybe more accurately, the intensity

but if i really think about it and if i recall correctly, i can remember the feeling of excitement and happiness

which is a good thing

just praying that doesn’t fade over time too

i am blessed.

thank you so much

my only sadness comes from the thought of leaving

no regrets. no regrets

i can honestly say

a step towards living in the present moment and surrounding yourself with people who make you happy and never make you feel like you’re not enough

this all feels

like an extended stay at summer camp

now that someone is gone.  with the this is what i’ll miss about yous directed at each person

though it’s the real world and i take comfort in knowing that we took time to get to know each other and get comfortable with each other, instead of bonded-for-life in one week under the circumstance of being stuck in limited quarters together 24/7 and forced to do bonding and trust activities

i want so badly for this not to be temporary—no scratch that—fleeting

just gotta have faith that we truly built a friendship

even though it’s inevitable some people will drift away, maybe, probably eventually all—it just being a matter of time and who goes first

it, in actuality, is very different from the feeling or expectation of having a unique, once-in-a-lifetime shared experience

and not only shared, but exclusive.

i just hope it sticks

i can’t do this

i know everyone feels like this at some point, but right now i don’t understand how everyone can pull through and do the work and get it done like it’s nothing no matter how much they complain

but i know actually that i can do this

i can i can i can

but i just can’t visualize between this moment and the moment i’ll be filled with relief that i’m finally done

i hate this feeling so much.  it’s where i begin calculating what’ll happen if i just turn in a blank page or drop out of school

and i just wish i could time lapse to the end but obviously that’s impossible and it’s just so so frustrating

you make me laugh, and i like that

a post to come maybe (hopefully) about backstories and judgements and the present moment

too much sympathy.

i want to call it empathy, because i try to understand how they feel and put myself in their shoes,

but i’ll stick with sympathy for now since i realize i never have, and probably never will, experience exactly how they feel.  all i know is that my heart goes out to each and every person with problems that they cannot solve by themselves no matter how hard they try or how positive of an attitude they keep

i just feel bad, so bad, for them. so sad

will say this again:

wish i could solve the world’s problems, but i can’t

can’t just give money to every cause and each person who asks, no begs

can only do whatever bit we can. look to, and perhaps be, the ones who are developing innovative solutions to lessen the burden, and keep an open mind and open heart and give everyone the benefit of the doubt and refrain from acting as judges and saying anyone deserves misfortune

just feel so sad sometimes because there is not more that we can do. so, so sad

stop. just stop.

i don’t know why you’re haunting me lately, but that’s enough

not only is this really fucking cool, it’s so clever

l’eau non potable est la première cause de mortalité au monde = unsafe water is the leading cause of death worldwide

although i couldn’t really understand exactly what the woman was saying in the voiceover (which pains me that i’ve gotten rusty in my french, but let’s be real, i could never really understand when they were speaking that fast anyways), when this message came up at the end, it hit me

our campaign for hydraid and clean water junior year with interact has stayed with me, and now i’m conscious of it every time it is brought up.  it is definitely a cause i believe in and i am still dumbfounded that there is such a shortage of one of the most basic necessities of life and that it is not a more addressed concern in the world

amazing.

i don’t want to make this an internet/blog/tumblr thing, but i read your blog (and keep up to date for the most part) and i saw your message to me (to us) and maybe you’ll see this too

i want to be there for you and i want to fix things, but most of all i want you to be able to come to me when you’re ready, and maybe you’re tired of hearing that and maybe you just need me to pry and make you talk to me every once in a while.  i don’t know.  how could i possibly know what you are thinking

i saw your name light up green this week on my chat list, and i wanted to talk to you and i want to talk to you now instead of let this hang and sit and fester even longer.  but i’m tired.  and i’m sorry because that sounds like i don’t care about you at all that i can’t step up just because i’m tired.

but i am.  and so i’ll deal with this tomorrow.

tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

i don’t know how to fix things.  i don’t know how to fix you.  i want you to know that i am always here for you and i always will be, and maybe that sounds like all talk, but from the bottom of my heart, i’m being sincere.

i wanted to say that i’ll never give up on you, but i have to admit that’s not true because i already have in the past.  and that’s selfish, but it’s true.  i have given up on you in moments because i can’t bear to keep my high expectations only to be let down later so i just give up and lower my expectations.  i’m sorry for that, but is it too much to expect that i’ll follow your posts religiously and know when or why you’re upset or if it has anything to do with me, is it too much to expect that you’ll choose me instead of your own flights of fancy? yes. it is.

i will tell you now that i have given up on you in the past, but the important part is i still continue to have faith in you, perhaps naively based on past history, but i do because you are still my friend, and one of my best, whether or not you still hold that to be true.

i want this to be a sign of my reassurance but also a splash in the face of reality, and i hope you take it the way i intended, but of course there is no guarantee.

i want you to come talk to me when you are ready, but i will try to anticipate what you need despite the fact that it makes no sense rationally and realistically, but that is what friends do (and something i admit i would want you or anyone else to do for me even though i’ve readily admitted it is not logical just now)

i will try for you, but all i want is for you to be able to come to me

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